Friday, August 31, 2007

I Hate My Life

It's the Friday before Labor Day weekend, and although my blessed Federal Courts professor cancelled our 1:30 class today, I still have a 2:30 class, which means that I am practically the only person in the law building right now. Why am I here even? Why have I been here since nine-o-freaking-clock, you ask?

Because God hates me.

Or maybe because of law review. Damn it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Tiny, Tiny Hearts

If you need any more proof that Thomas, Rehnquist, and Scalia are/were astoundingly heartless, take a peak at Hope v. Pelzer, 536 U.S. 730 (2002).

In 1995, Alabama was the only State that followed the practice of chaining inmates to one another in work squads. It was also the only State that handcuffed prisoners to “hitching posts” if they either refused to work or otherwise disrupted work squads. Hope was handcuffed to a hitching post on two occasions. On May 11, 1995, while Hope was working in a chain gang near an interstate highway, he got into an argument with another inmate. Both men were taken back to the Limestone prison and handcuffed to a hitching post. Hope was released two hours later, after the guard captain determined that the altercation had been caused by the other inmate. During his two hours on the post, Hope was offered drinking water and a bathroom break every 15 minutes, and his responses to these offers were recorded on an activity log. Because he was only slightly taller than the hitching post, his arms were above shoulder height and grew tired from being handcuffed so high. Whenever he tried moving his arms to improve his circulation, the handcuffs cut into his wrists, causing pain and discomfort.

On June 7, 1995, Hope was punished more severely. He took a nap during the morning bus ride to the chain gang's worksite, and when it arrived he was less than prompt in responding to an order to get off the bus. An exchange of vulgar remarks led to a wrestling match with a guard. Four other guards intervened, subdued Hope, handcuffed him, placed him in leg irons and transported him back to the prison where he was put on the hitching post. The guards made him take off his shirt, and he remained shirtless all day while the sun burned his skin. He remained attached to the post for approximately seven hours. During this 7-hour period, he was given water only once or twice and was given no bathroom breaks. At one point, a guard taunted Hope about his thirst. According to Hope's affidavit: “[The guard] first gave water to some dogs, then brought the water cooler closer to me, removed its lid, and kicked the cooler over, spilling the water onto the ground.”

Care to take a guess at which three justices thought that the prison officals should be granted immunity for their actions because such actions did not violate "clearly established law?"

I Hate Law School Job Searching

There was a great post over on the LawBitches website today about selling out as a law student. Sadly, it is true, and it is exactly what I am going through right now.

Monday, August 27, 2007

You're Just Big Boned!

I must have a fairly healthy body image, because I have found these two conversations from the past month between myself and other people pretty hilarious:

Conversation #1:
Me: Grandma, when we go to church you're not going to introduce me like you did last time I went with you, right? When you told everyone I was your "stocky granddaughter?"

Grandma: I said that? Oh, you know, I didn't mean it in a bad sense. "Stocky" is just a word I use to mean the opposite of skinny.

Conversation #2:
Classmate #1: This year for the drag show we are having a male high-heel contest.

Classmate #2: (To me) I should get my boyfriend to borrow heels from you; you have considerable feet.

Me: No I don't! I wear a size eight, that's not that big.

Classmate #1: Yeah, that's not that big, I'm a ten.

Classmate #2: (To me) Yeah, that's not that big for your size.

Me: For my size?!?!

Classmate #3: (To Classmate #2) How does your calf taste?

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Equal Douchebaggery Under The Law

If there was any doubt in my mind that medical students are just as big, if not bigger, douchebags as law students, it was effectively erased by the vanity license plate that I saw yesterday:


Who does that? What's more, it is a particularly egregious offense considering that to be a medical student in this town, one must be a first year.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Shock and Awe

I spoke up in all of my THREE AFTERNOON CLASSES today (take note that it is Friday) and I believe I made coherent, logical sense. True, this is only the first week of school and the rest of my 3L classmates are probably thinking I'm a total douchebag (THAT GUY/GIRL that had to answer every question first semester 1L year) but I don't care. I'm in a mood to be a productive, interactive student. I'm gonna milk that 'til it's gone 'cause it ain't likely to stick around long. Besides, is there anything more uncomfortable than a room full of 50+ (allegedly) intellligent people sitting in TOTAL SILENCE when the professor asks a pretty easy question?

Okay, I can think of more uncomfortable things. One thing that comes to mind is getting pulled over on your way home at 10:30 at night for failing to make a complete stop at an intersection where you were the only car present and then discovering that you don't have current proof of insurance in your car. Fun times. Luckily for me I'm young, female, and moderately attractive, so I got to go home with just warnings on both. Thanks Officer Friendly!

P.S. Go watch Thursday's episode of The Colbert Report on the Comedy Central show website. It is so funny, I was almost crying at my carrel today.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Grievance Letter

Dear Law School Administrators,



Litigious Mind

Friday, August 17, 2007


If you know me and live in the same town that I live in now and you have cable...

... can I watch High School Musical: 2 with you tonight?

Pretty please???

Point to Ponder

It is a very good thing

(a) I live on the ground floor level of my building; and

(b) It is hot outside and I leave my windows open

because the frequency with which I lock myself out of my apartment is really becoming alarming.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


I'm back in law school land.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Overheard at American Eagle

"She doesn't speak any French. All she knows is 'french toast' and 'french fries.' And that isn't even right."

I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear her say that last sentence.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Other People Like My TV Boyfriend, Too

I am highly amused that when "Mike Rowe" is entered into the Google search engine, the following appears:

Searches related to: mike rowe
mike rowe married
mike rowe shirtless

Sure, I googled him, too, but I'm not that shameless.

Or am I?

Monday, August 6, 2007


I am back from my trip to the state that is shaped like a mitten! I had a good time and swam lots in the big, big lake. My nine year-old cousin told me I was her "best friend" for five days, until the day we left when she downgraded me to "better friend." That little butthead is too cute. And my thirteen year-old cousin might actually have thought she was intimidating her older brothers by telling them to leave her alone because she has a lawyer (me). Ha! If only she knew...

Sadly the digital camera did not make it home so I don't have any pictures to show.

Also, I find it somewhat amusing that I have been jokingly telling friends for a couple years now that my paternal grandfather doesn't know who I am. (We've never been close.) Well, turns out my stories are now true! Have you ever had your own grandfather explain to you that he has a son named Jack who lives in Shelbyville, as if you were a stranger and not the niece of said Jack? Who just spent five days at Jack's house? Good times, good times. Also, he apparently thought I was my cousin for the entire first day we stayed with them, and it still took him another full day to actually use my name when talking to my father instead of referring to me as "your daughter."