Thursday, July 30, 2009

Poop

I swear, if I walk into the bathroom at work and see an unflushed turd floating there one more time, I'm gonna lose my shit.

Hahaha. Lose my shit. Get it?

(But seriously, WTF? If it's yellow, let it mellow. IF IT'S BROWN FLUSH IT DOWN.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

More On Me and This Crazy Country

Okay, so I will share a little more about my decision to go back to school. But first, Hoe-Lee Hell, did you see the clip with Glenn Beck they showed on the Today Show this morning? And Matt's interview with Michelle Malkin?

In some ways I was much more content when Bush was president. Sure, I did not like him or most people in his administration. But the thing about W's presidency was that the crazy motherfuckas out there kept their crazy underwraps.

Now that Obama is president, it is all out there. And I mean OUT THERE. They are terrifying me! And even if they are a marginalized minority I AM STILL FRIGHTENED!

So, I want an out. A means of potential escape from the good ol' U.S. of A if they reclaim power. Unfortunately for me, it's not all that easy for a criminal defense attorney to make a move to a new country (with a job). No one incarcerates like we do!

However, my international prospects improve if I am an Intellectual Property attorney. Because, contrary to what some of my Republican aquaintences believe, America is not actually the only country making scientific innovations.

I really don't like the idea of pullin' a Palin and quitting on my country, but dammit, those whack jobs are ruining MY country. If they take over and do away with logic, reason, critical thinking skills, and tolerance, then I don't wanna stay.

(Also, I have long entertained the notion of being a law professor someday, and for that to happen I'll need a degree from a better law school. So you see, I really HAVE thought out this whole return-to-school thing.)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Tunes of the Day

It is a Kathleen Edwards kind of day.

I don't know what that means, really. I just know that I'm digging "Asking For Flowers" and "Back To Me" today. Sorry, "Failer," today doesn't appear to be your day.

(Those are her albums, BTW.)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Letter to My Readers

Dear Readers,

I owe you an apology. I have both been told by others and come to the conclusion myself that this blog is not "fun" anymore. It's just me complaining about things. I don't know what has happened to me to turn me into a negative person who does nothing but complain, but apparently that's who I am now. All I can say is that this year has been one of the most unhappy years of my life. The transition from school to the real world has been very hard for me, and I have not handled it well. I spend the vast majority of my free time alone, and there is no one here to tell me when enough is enough, and when I should just keep my mouth shut. If I've offended any of you by the things I've written on my blog, I'm sorry. I never meant to offend anyone. I've become a critical, intolerant person that I don't like anymore, and, I suspect, someone that my friends and family don't like as much either.

So I'll try to change that. I don't know if I have explicitly mentioned this on my blog before, but I am losing my job in three weeks, so I've been forced to make a change. The job situation, and my pervasive unhappiness, led me to my decision to go back to school for a year and get my LLM. So I'm moving to a new town, where I'll have to make new friends, and I don't think that's going to happen if I continue on the path I've been on. It's hard to get people to like you when you don't like yourself.

From now on I'll try to be fun again and to keep my rants and complaints to myself. All I can say is be patient with me.

Litigious Mind

Just Kidding

I'm trying to decide if I should be offended that someone suggested that I become a Facebook "fan" of "Go Outside and Do Something." What exactly are they trying to say?


(Just kidding, I'm not really offended. But it is kind of funny, isn't it? Maybe that's just me.)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My New Pet Peeve

People who pray in their status updates on Facebook.

Matthew 6:6, anyone?

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Babies Babies Babies

I know I probably have a bit of an anger/sensitivity problem when I start to get offended on someone else's behalf, but oh well. Here I go anyway.

I have a high school friend who is pregnant with for the first time. We are Facebook friends, and she often posts things related to her pregnancy. Now, there are some things she says that I find a tad annoying. She refers to her fetus as her "first" baby, as if having more is a done deal. (Don't get me started on people who assume all will go to plan, but I'm a pessimistic, glass-half-empty, if-something-can-go-wrong-it-will kind of person, so it's just a difference of views.) She also is one of those women who is willing to take advantage of the pregnancy stereotypes that drive me crazy. Such as, pregnancy makes you stupid, it's a disability, and it entitles you to special treatment. Again, this is a difference of views. I am of the opinion that women should STFU and not make our gender appear weak in anyway.

But for the most part, I cut her a great deal of slack because, hey, it's a big deal to have a baby. And I imagine it's really exciting to experience all that stuff for the first time. And although I occasionally find her posts annoying, she never crosses the TMI line, and I don't have to read them if I don't want to.

What drives me up the wall, however, are the comments routinely made by a mutual friend who has three children. This woman appears to be under the impression that she is the end-all authority on pregnancy. My pregnant friend cannot make an innocuous comment relating to pregnancy or childbirth without this woman chiming in about her experience, giving her two cents, and being generally annoying.

If I were my friend I think I would snap and tell her to STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND LET ME ENJOY THIS FOR MYSELF. Scratch that, I know I would. The fact that my friend has not, and generally responds with polite comments thanking this woman for her input, I think, indicates that she already has what is perhaps the best parenting trait one can have. Patience.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Monday, July 6, 2009

Shut Up

Really, Kerri Walsh, really?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20289521,00.html

I get what you were trying to say, but is being "skinny soft" really the worst thing to be? No. I think being "fat soft," for one, would be worse.

I'm glad I'm not a new mom, because these celebrity moms would probably make me want to hide in a cave for the first post-baby year.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Dopplegangers

Is it just me, or does Kevin Jonas's fiancee appear to have been separated at birth from a certain Napolean Dynamite actress?

And yes, I really do spend my time thinking about these things.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Sometimes Being A Lawyer Ruins Things

To the screenwriters of "Confessions of a Shopaholic":

Look into a little thing called the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act.

Thanks.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number

Wow, this blog is turning into nothing but a rant-fest. But here I go again!

This time I'm ranting about (older) people telling me that my opinions on certain subjects will change once I'm older. Months ago I was told by a friend's mother that I would no longer be a Democrat when I'm older. And yesterday, in response to including Wuthering Heights on my list of top ten favorite books and mentioning that I'd take Heathcliff over Mr. Darcy in a Facebook note, a friend commented that she predicted I would prefer Austen to Bronte once I'm older.

What, exactly, will age and life experience do to change those particular preferences? I'm twenty-six, not sixteen. I have a law degree, I work with the socially and economically disadvantaged, I think I'm capable of determining that I support more Democratic positions than Republican positions. Besides, people like my dad have actually become more liberal with age.

And as far as preferring Bronte to Austen? Again, what does that have to do with age? I've read all of Austen's books save one, and although I greatly enjoy them, but I still like Wuthering Heights better. The characters in Austen's books are proper, silly, or reckless. Catherine and Heathcliff, on the other hand, are kinda crazy. Their wildness and their passion jumps off the pages. As far as literature goes, I prefer Bronte's masterpiece to Austen's. Why would a person expect that to change with age? It's personal literary preference.

I think I get so upset when people say things like that because, whether they intend it or not, it comes across as really condescending. How old do I have to be before people will treat me like an adult? I may like High School Musical and the occasional Jonas Brothers concert, but I'm still an adult with an adult brain. Is it because I'm single? Not a parent? WHEN ARE PEOPLE GOING TO TREAT ME LIKE A GROWN UP, DAMN IT?