It's Been A While, Bitch

BITCH, I'M BACK.

Yeah, you know who you are. You, the blonde country music princess. Frequent subject of People.com. Known to Lainey Gossip followers as Country Bitch (because you sing country and you're reputed to be a bitch). I AM BACK ON YOU ASS.

What the HELL is this newest shit you're polluting country radio with? Mama's Song? Oh barf.

Mama you taught me to do the right things
So now you have to let your baby fly
You've given me everything that I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life
And I know you watch me grow up and always want what's best for me
And I think I found the answer to your prayers

And he is good, so good
Seriously?! A man? THAT'S the answer to your mama's prayers for you? Gee, if I ever have a daughter, I will certainly spend my prayers on hoping she finds a man. BECAUSE THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING A WOMAN CAN EVER DO.
He treats your little girl like a real man should
You're old enough to find a man who answers your mama's prayers, but you're still a baby girl? Give me a break.
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
WHAT IF YOU WANT HIM TO LEAVE? I suppose that is completely out of the question. Everyone knows women never leave men. That's crazy talk!
So don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me
You've got a MAN to take care of you, don't worry.

Mama there's no way you'll ever lose me
And giving me away is not goodbye
As you watch me walk down to my future, I hope tears of joy are in your eyes
Yes, your future is a man.

'Cause he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me

And when I watch my little baby grow I'll only want what's best for her
Because everyone knows that what's best for a woman is a MAN.

And I hope she'll find the answer to my prayers
And that she'll say

He is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So don't you worry about me
Don't you worry about me

Mama don't you worry about me

Don't you worry about me

JESUS CHRIST. Country Bitch, you have a gift. You choose songs that trigger my Pavlovian kill response, without fail. God, I hope your ape husband dumps you.

(Yes, I'm a little drunk tonight.)